One rainy day..

Manaat jhaalele nirasheche ghar
Ani jhadjhadun aleli pavsaachi sar

Jalheen jharyala
kshanat vahta kela,
evdhach kay, sarini
melelya manalahi jagta kela

man jaaga jhaala
swatahlach vicharla
arechya aaj apan
ithe kuthe yena kela?

paNich paNi paN poor nahi,
sosatyacha vaara paN vaadal nahi,
jaNu kahi haa swapnatla gaav
nirjan betavarun disleli aashechi naav.

ashi jhadjhadun aleli ashechi sar
kshanbharat nirasha jhaali beghar.

- Adi (25/6/05)

The Search...

Human being is a social animal!! So true, how much ever I keep shouting in my earlier posts that everyone is alone in their own life and that there are no 100% buddies....... I also think that our search for one will never end. This search is one of the few purposes of life. This search gives lot of hope and also disappointment. But no doubt this is most interesting thing in life.
(Disclaimer: I am keeping family out for the sake of this post.)
During my search, I have met so many people... soooo many of them. Some, I never felt like even thinking - tresspassers. Some, I thought over for a very little time - acquaintances. Some I till occasionally think about - friends. Some, I think about a lot - good friends. Some I really think about most of the times - best buddies. Some, I don't have to think.. because I am a reflection of their values, their thoughts & their advice - 3 bestest buddies.
It is fun categorizing people into these groups/tiers and it is even more fun observing how people keep switching between groups. It has happened so many times, people had almost reached the second last tier or even last tier... but fallen deep down to second tier. Second tier is very broad, it has anyone who I know and had a reason to remember.
Audacity haan!!!! But well that is fact. I think it is very importantt for every person to know how many people are there in their last tiers. And it is also very important to be in last tiers of atleast a few people. There is quite a possibility that the two things are independent of each other... i.e. you might not be in the last tier of people who are in your last tier.
With me, I have 3 buddies in the last tier. I don't need to mention their names, they would know its them when they read this post. I have already mentioned, I am not including family in this post. So apart from my family, these 3 people have made most difference in my life. They have been through thick and thin with me and most importantly have not changed their behaviour with me whether it was a thick or a thin or none of those :P. These are the people who will not neglect, just because they think I am moody. These are the people who will know, why I react the way I do. I know I can take them for granted... and I am neither sorry nor thankful. They are the people I would call up at midnight or even after that and talk about a problem as small as 'bedbugs in the house'. They are the people from whom, I cannot keep any secret, as trivial as, ' I have a crush on the dude who was sitting next to me in plane.' These are the people, who I do not meet for months but feel no need to catch up when I do the next time. These are the people, who know half of what I am going to talk about in a phone call just after listening to the tone of my 'Hello'!!! And this list can go on and on for ever. Bottomline, I am very very thankful to God, that I have them for me.
Inspite of all this, I stick to my opinion that they are not everything in my life. They are a big part of my life.. they know around 5 - 10% about me. But not all. I am still 'alone' but have met few other 'loners' on my way to share my experiences of the journey and get reliable maps for future.

'All' alone!!

The other day I was listening to the song... 'Tum na jaane kis jahan mein kho gaye, hum bhari duniya mein tanha ho gaye..'. Well a nice song, but I do not agree with the lyrics. I think an individual is always alone/ tanhaa in this world in presence as well as absence of anyone. No ones presence can make life any less lonely and neither can anyones absence make it more lonely. How much ever close you are to anyone, you are far enough for your loneness to stay alive!!!

Is there anyone in this world who has someone to share atleast half of his/ her 'real' life? By this I mean are you atleast 50% of the times honest to that someone about your feelings, your desires, your opinions, your experiences... in short your life!!! If your answer to this question is no... you know what I mean!! If your answer to this question is yes.... please be honest atleast to yourself and double check..... and if the answer is still yes... you probably are one of the luckiest persons in this world!!! The reasons of not being honest can be numerous other than just fakeness... it can be care, it can be love, it can be fear, it can be insecurity, it can be hatred, it can be compassion... all sorts of reasons one can think of... but the outcome is same!!!

Why am I saying all this? This is my latest realization.... It was painful in the beginning to accept this but this is true... you accept it or you deny it, fact is fact!!! The realization brings lot of clarity to life and also indifference. Solves many questions..... creates many more!!!

अश्रू

वेडेच असतात अश्रू 
नाही? कधीही येतात
वेळ काळ नाहीच त्यांना
नको तेव्हा गळतात.

आपण लाख म्हणू
आता नाहीच येऊ देणार
पण ते येणारच... आणि
सगळे सगळे घेऊन जाणार.

नेतील च ते
तो क्षणाचा आनंद हिरावून
पण मणभर साठलेले दु:ख
आहे ना? तेही जाईल दुरावून.

पुढच्या वेळी आले ना.. की
मुळीच त्यांना आडवू नका
अवजड झालेले मन
बिनधास्त हलके करून टाका.

-Adi

My opinion about 'Love'

I was listening to my favorite song 'Saiyyan'... sung by Kailash Kher..... but I badly wish to know who has written it!!! This song has something in it.... something i did not understand in the beginning, but got it after i had heard it more than 5 times. To most people, this song is a sad song where the writer is mourning over his/her lost love!! But to those who carefully listen to the words... this song is sure about lost love... but there is no mourning!! The poet has fantastically described the feeling of being in love and then losing it!! Makes me think...

True.. often one does not know how to react, after losing your love... some people react very well,some become indifferent, some others go into depression, some get frustrated with life and some become violent.

Like the poet/poetess, I believe love is a compound of feelings. It is a mixture of happiness, anxiety, care and many more feelings.... but sure not ownership!!! If you think you 'need' to own your love... I am sorry to say, but you are not in love. This, is that slight difference between love and infatuation. 

Love is something that is meant for you and you alone... and if you really love someone, you will not feel the need for it to be reciprocated!! Does not mean that you won't be happy if there is reciprocation, but there is no 'need' of it!! If loving someone makes you happy, how can anyone take away this happiness??? This happiness belongs to you.... not even that 'someone' is capable of taking it away without your permission. After one point, even if that someone is gone from your life and you decide to move on.... you will always remember how happy 'being in love' made you, this memory will help you in your bad times. This memory will help you understand so many people around you. Like the poet says at the end of the song... you can keep decorating this feeling like you will decorate a temple, till eternity!!! 

The Longest Journey Ever...

Since I came in the States all my flight journeys have been very eventful. But this one is a winner with no doubt. It all started with my flight from Richmond. I was told at the airport that my flight was canceled and that I would be accommodated in the flight prior to it. So I was happy, I would reach early. But today’s journey wanted to teach me the actual feel of the phrase ‘jor kaa jhatka dhire se lage’. So the flight scheduled to take off 4.15pm took off at 5.30pm. A good 52 minute flight lands on JFK and guess what….. we are stuck in the flight for around 1 hour because of the ground traffic. Finally we reached the terminal gate and got off the flight. I entered JFK and ‘Oh Man’, there were around 400 people in front of me. This was probably my first time in US that I saw so many people at a time. Almost every flight on the display board was either canceled or delayed. I didn’t care. I just knew one thing…… I had to run. I had to run to find my flight. Those who have any idea of JFK…… I ran all the way from Gate 25 to Gate 4 almost a mile of distance with my cabin bag and personal bag. I reached here on time, I did it. But the Captain of the flight couldn’t make it!!!! Yess that is true, the Captain was on the flight to JFK from Atlanta, which got delayed and delayed for ever. So the all ready plane, all the rest of the crew and 130 passengers cannot fly to Mumbai because one man cannot make it to NY from Atlanta!!!!!!!!!! So the flight was delayed from 8.55pm to 10.30pm to 12.45 pm to 10.00am on 24th morning!!! I have done it again, I got myself stuck on JFK overnight……. I did not break my record!!! I am here at 2.59am in the morning writing a post for a blog. I think my flight will take off at 10am today…… I hope so… but still not sure!!! I pray to God this does not happen to even my enemy……. I don’t care of this uncomfortable night on the airport, but do you understand what that means??? It means 15 hours less in India… a delay of 15 hours for the moment I have been dreaming of for last several months!!!
This certainly is my longest journey ever!!

I am happy...

For last several months there was this war going in my mind!!! Does happen periodically...
I like to ask questions and torture myself.
Who am I? What am I doing? Why am I doing, what I do? What should I do now? Where does my life want me to go? What is the purpose of my birth? Who decides it? If it is me who decides it, when will I get that realization? If not, is there any power that is superior than my mind (for me)? Probably not..... What is mind? Just chemical locha???? Just the thinking and memorization pathways I learnt in biochem last semester?? If it is true, what makes individual minds different from one another? Genetics?? 4 nucleotides?? They are 99% similar in all human beings.... so 1% of genome that is 30,000 base pairs/ nucleotides out of 3 million, make all that difference!!! Then this is what I should do, find out the differences in 1% genome. That is what I am doing, I am doing research in human genetics.
I have reached this conclusion and that is why I am happy!!!